If you want something real, don't give it up to early.

This sentence shakes me to my core. I hear it all the time, and it offends me all the time. The problem with the ism's racism, sexism, able bodiedism, is that they take away people's humanity. They take away the ability for people to be who they are rather than be ruled by some set of assumptions made about them, limiting them because of the body they were born into. This rant in particular though is about heterosexual relationships, and gender roles.

I actually agree, if you want a healthy relationship, neither party should probably give it up to early. Sex early on, often creates a false sense of closeness and intimacy that hasn't actually been created as two humans connecting but rather from two bodies connecting in the most intimate of ways. Then of course there is conflict resolution, the ability to communicate through a conflict rather than resorting to sex to clear up the air, is always good for a healthy relationship.

What i take issue with are the following:
1. Sex early signals the intent of having a fling.
2. Sex early on implies the woman is loose, or not to be respected- which is why the relationship is not serious.
3. The woman is responsible for holding out- because a man can't hold such responsibility.

Intent of having a fling
I'm sorry any one ever heard of communication? Sex early on really implies nothing without communication. There are a million possibilities that could lead to early on sex that have nothing to do with a fling. One such possibility is that the man is teasing the girl so much she can't resist. Giving into physical temptation may imply one is weak at resisting physical temptation but by no means implies that they do not want a committed and caring relationship. Communication would be the key hear- if either party is just interested in having a fling they should communicate that to the other person- and let them agree or not to such an arrangement.
She's loose, undeserving of respect
For lack of a better word, this is some bullshit. The women in the US fought for sexual liberation- only to create a more rampant use of the word slut, and essentially disrespect to be more acceptable. I can't walk down the street without some man telling me what he wants to do to me. Young girls seek affirmation on their beauty and worth through sex, only to find it gone after the act. Then they enter a relationship, with someone they think is cute and sweet. And he wants sex almost immediately, and if she says yes she is a slut. But one has to ask, why did you ask for sex then? In an attempt to disrespect another human being? Or it begs to reinforce that men do not respect women. In general I believe that respect has to be earned, but only character can earn respect. Response to physical stimuli is not what creates a respected human. But in cultures across the world, this special rule is applied to women alone, and it should be fought against. My character, my worth, are not defined by who i let pleasure me.
A man can't hold out
I'm sorry what? This implies that women do not enjoy nor fantasize about sex as much as men do. It reinforces this idea that men cannot control themselves, that somehow when i comes to sex they cannot be held accountable. This mentality is prevalent throughout our society- from blame the victim rape cases to she must be a slut look at the way she dresses. A man shouldn't ask for something if it is going to change his feelings about someone- at least not without communicating it first. And i'm sick of this, we have to hold out because the man can't bullshit. A relationship whether it be a fling or something serious, does not have to be held together by the woman.

In the end these in my mind are serious societal problems, and we cannot solve them until we stand up against it and vocalize what is wrong.

Waves

What does it mean to come in and out of disability?
In and out of ability?
In and out of oppression?
In and out of privilege?

I fell today. Seemingly meaningless. But to me, a fall down a flight of stairs and a skinned knee mean so much more than that, they mean a lifetime of going in and out of disability. A lifetime that will progressively get harder and harder.

I ran my third half marathon a week ago. I ran it with relative ease. One foot in front of the other, 2.5 hours on my feet, with the world slowly passing by, one breath one step at a time. I felt great, I felt well. I felt healthy.

One moment i am just like all the other able-bodied people around me, probably better abled in fact. I work out 3 hours a day. I am strong, independent, happy. I feel like a poser, when I talk about my disability. I have to explain that its only sometimes. I feel as if I can't be a disabled activist, or a spokesperson, because it is only me sometimes- and what happens anyway? I get numb, I fall down? Those aren't even real problems, I think to myself.

But every few weeks my body talks back. It tells me that it isn't going to work the way other peoples do, that it will give up on me every now and then. That I'm also not one of them, not one of the able-bodied.

And then I am at a loss. Where is my place? What is my future? Where is my support?