Blessed

My mother always told me to be good to people, to do good things, because it will come back to you.

So when I got diagnosed with MS for a fleeting second, I was a little upset. Not that I thought illness didn't happen to good people, but rather I felt like I had a life plan. A life plan that was not about selfishness, success, or money; but rather to help my community and to create positive change. I thought; this will make it harder to make those changes, this inhibits me from making the changes that I want to make. I thought, this is the exact opposite of what my mother told me, this is a bad bad thing, maybe I am not a good person.

It was not until yesterday that I realized its not about what happens to you, because lets face it we all have our battles. But rather its about the support that you get from your family, friends, and community in facing those battles, while continuing to live, struggle, and change. I have realized in no uncertain terms these last few weeks that I am loved, and that support extends beyond your immediate network. I have received kind words and prayers from people I do not know, but rather know my friends or family. This if anything makes me feel deeply blessed to be part of the network I am.

I did not realize the extent to which I was loved until I became sick, and somehow this sickness has transformed and reinvigorated me in ways I never knew it could. I pray that everyone realizes their networks, because chances are they are big and full of love :)

I have MS, able-ism

It has been an interesting journey the last few weeks. I was diagnosed with MS on January 22, 2010. I have been living with this diagnosis for less than a week, and living with the possibility of it for about a month. I am so new to this disease, and so new to no longer being able to live my life thinking "I will always be able bodied".

I always had an interest in abelism, I always tried to challenge my own able bodied assumptions and privilege, but I realize now I had no idea. I go places now, and I think, I won't be able to enjoy this the same in the future. Everywhere, is made for able bodied people, I only really have realized that since I have been forced to think about it. In the last three weeks I have been to the beach, farmers markets, walking around town, gardening, hiking, malls, meditation, yoga, public transportation and the gym, and everywhere I have been I have had to face a sadness and mourn the fact that unlike other people I know, I will not always be able to enjoy these things the way I can now.

The reality is the world is not made to be friendly to those whom are disabled. I suppose I knew this in a loose sense, but not to the extent I see it now. I still know if from a body that is working fine, minus whats going on in my brain... My immune system is working hard, at trying to make me disabled, for the rest of my life. Sometimes that is hard to deal with.